Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Suess

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Pretty Bird...

Everyone knows I am NOT a big fan of birds. Houston bound and within 24 hours of leaving Austin I had three traumatic incidents and now loathe ALL birds. 

First question: Why are they so mean? 
Second question: Why are they so dumb? Really, Really DUMB? 

Incident One: On my way out our back door I was literally dive bombed by a blue jay. According to Wikipedia they are very territorial/highly aggressive toward humans, but only if they come close to their nest. Apparently, this devil bird is raising it's devil spawn somewhere near our back door. When I get home I will remedy that! 

Incident Two: Upon arrival to Kiki's house I got to acquire what I will categorize as one of my top 5 most traumatic experiences (that maybe a little bit of an exaggeration, but...).  The door opens to Kiki having a panic attack because there is a bird trapped in the house. First step: open the back door and hope the bird flies out on it's own accord. It is wide open and the dodo-bird continues to fly into the window not realizing that the door is literally eight inches to the right. Both of us in a panic, worried that our eyes are going to be pecked out we brainstorm. 
  • Attempt One: Call Steve (Kiki's dad) thinking that he will come to the rescue. Instead we get "get a broom and shoo it out yourself."  FAIL.
Back to square one we go in for the kill, broom in hand.  
  • Attempt Two: Push the broom toward the bird too which it flies behind the piano. FAIL.  
  • Attempt Three: I pull the piano away from the wall while Kiki vigorously shakes the drapes. The ding dong flies out from behind the piano and right into the window. FAIL. 
  • Attempt Four: Push the piano against the wall, shove the broom toward the bird while Kiki claps and yells expletives. The dumb a** flies into the kitchen. EPIC FAIL
  • Attempt Five: The bird is now trapped in the kitchen and sitting on the dryer next to the back door. I go around the back, open it and nothing. ULTIMATE FAIL
  • Attempt Six: An hour into the shenanigans and very frustrated I decided it would be a great idea to toss a roll of packing tape toward the bird and hope it flies out. Kiki, a little hesitant at my suggestion gives me the go. Let just say it "slipped" out of my hands and I nailed it! At last, SUCCESS!!! Bird gone! Mission Accomplished! 
Incident Three: On my way to work I get a call from Kiki. While backing out of the drive way. PUFFFFFFFF!!!!!! An explosion of feathers! 

Needless to say I hope I have never have to deal with a bird ever again!!!! Gustav, who Kiki acquired in the move is good enough for me!

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